From a young age, Dr. Lauren Hazzouri had ingrained in her own mind that she would never be good enough. When her dream of becoming a professional dancer was cut short in college and her own mental health issues arose, she was redirected to her true purpose, psychology.
Today, forty-four year-old Dr. Lauren Hazzouri, is the founder of Hazzouri Psychology, has written for multiple online publications, and spoken at events across the country (including my personal favorite, Sophia Amoruso’s Girlboss Rallies). Hazzouri has made it her life's mission to empower girls and women to overcome those same self-esteem issues she once faced and is equipping them with the tools to stand in their power, all through what she calls, “Not Therapy with Dr. Lauren.” Combining her lifelong love for dance and career in psychology, Dr. Lauren is teaching us all that when it comes time to make your life matter, there are no skills that are wasted.
On her childhood and the desire to feel like enough
When I was little I was hypersensitive to my environment and felt things very deeply. From the time I was in kindergarten, I recognized the things that were valued by others and the things that weren’t. I tried to morph into what I thought people wanted me to be; I wanted people to like me, we all do. I remember having to read aloud in elementary school. I always counted the number of seats in front of me and the number of paragraphs before my turn to read aloud, so that I could pre-read my paragraph. I didn’t want to sound stupid. The ongoing perceived theme throughout my childhood was, “Lauren, you can’t do anything right”.
My mom enrolled me in ballet classes. Dance was a game-changer. Finally, there was something I could do right! By the time I was in fourth grade, I rushed from school to the dance studio every chance I got. I played the good girl role in school all day; I did everything I was supposed to do, but when I got to the dance studio, I unleashed all of me and left it all on the dance floor. I put a lot of time, energy, and effort into my dance training and assumed I was destined to become a professional dancer. That dream didn’t come to fruition, but I always felt my value and my spirit awaken, when I danced.
Who were you at twenty?
At twenty, I was a junior in college. I originally went to a school on the west coast on a dance scholarship, but it was too far from home for me. So, I went to an audition at NYU in hopes of transferring closer to home. I got cut before I even performed my solo. Up until that point I’d thought I was good enough to “make it” professionally. My immediate thought was, “If I got cut from NYU then I’m not good enough to be a professional dancer. What am I even doing?” It felt embarrassing and cued my own mental health concerns: anxiety, depression, an eating disorder. I lost 25 pounds in a couple of months and was having panic attacks everyday. I could no longer dance—physically or emotionally. I transferred schools and changed my major to psychology.
Once I had the courage to identify the problems I’d been struggling with for some time, I was desperate for solutions. I began reading, researching and implementing a number of potential life-saving techniques and made a commitment to figuring it out.
How have you evolved since?
Since then, I’ve learned how to live. I focused hardcore in school. Eventually, I graduated with a bachelor's degree in psychology, earned my master’s degree and later, my doctoral degree in psychology, and then opened my own private practice. Along the way, I took my mental health into my own hands, experimenting with lifestyle and cognitive techniques—moving two steps forward, one step back until I had honed a simple emotionally and physically supportive lifestyle system that transformed me into the woman I am today. I am confident; I recognize my value; I manage my mood, anxieties and life stressors with balance and grace. Don’t get me wrong, I’m flawed. None of us is perfect, but I’m proud to be me and like myself, a lot.
On becoming the only ‘dancing psychologist’
When I started my private practice in Pennsylvania, I thought ‘this is easy, this is safe, I don’t have to wear a leotard. I’ll just go to work, make my own hours’. I was kinda right. My life was pretty easy in all the ways that I needed my life to be easy at the time. It felt stable, safe and doable.
There was only one thing missing from that life—me. I mean, I was doing exactly what I was trained to do, yet somehow I’d lost my true essence in the midst of it all. That is, until the girls and women came into my private practice. I was trained to say, “How was your week and how does that feel?”, but when the girls and women came into my office, I never had to ask them ‘and how does that feel?’. They would say something, and I would think to myself, ‘OMG, How come these girls and women have all the same thoughts and feelings and actions as I had like 20 years ago?’. I needed to figure it out.
I researched self-esteem and read all I could about social norms and how social messaging affects our mental health. That led me to feminist psychology. I recognized much of traditional psychology doesn’t take feminism into perspective. BUT, social norms affect our mental health in such a significant way. My POV is that womens’ mental health symptoms are often secondary to the internalization of social norms. Think about it—we all toss aside integral pieces of ourselves to fit into this place and, as a result, our spirits die.
Instinctually, I knew dance had to be part of everyone’s solution, the way it had been for me. I had to figure a way, in addition to the evidence-based strategies psychology offers, to bring these women back to life. I knew only dance could do it. I put music on and we moved ourselves awake. Incorporating movement into the work I had been doing for years was IT. By IT, I mean my purpose. I became obsessed with bringing my solutions to a broader demographic. And, that’s what I did. I went from being a dancer to being a psychologist and now, a dancing psychologist. I became my true self in an effort to help others to become their true selves. Magic.
On developing #NotTherapy and why we all need it
Therapy can benefit everyone, but not everyone needs therapy. We’re all exposed to social norms and they affect all of us, but that doesn’t mean that all of us require therapy. Of those who do, only about 50% get it. Regardless, everyone needs to learn about how social norms affect us. We all need to learn how to not only survive, but to thrive in this place.
I think of Not Therapy as a daily practice, a way of living. It’s like a prerequisite, whether you want to go to therapy or you don’t want to go to therapy, have the opportunity to go to therapy or not. We all need a solid, doable recipe for living. That’s what Not Therapy is, and it comes to life in many ways online and IRL.
On the lesson looking back at her own path
I think the lesson that comes out of it all is that there’s never a day that’s lost, nothing goes to waste, there’s no skill sets that don’t come into play when it’s time for you to make your life matter. Everything does matter and everything is creating your story. You don’t know the beginning, middle, and end, none of us do. Having faith and trusting and putting one foot in front of the other will ultimately get you there. Or here, depending on how you look at it.
What advice would you give to yourself at twenty?
Sit back and listen to the little voice in your head that says, “You can.” You have everything you need to get through this life in a healthy and happy way. You came knowing.
What would you say to a twenty-something year old about finding her place in the world?
You don’t have to find your place in this world. You are here because you are necessary. Your place is not something that you need to single handedly carve out, despite what people tell you. Your duty is to shed the impact of society, rest, breathe and stand in your power. You don’t have a purpose, you are your purpose.
Learn more about Dr. Lauren Hazzouri and her work here