From a young age, Gabriela Ulloa was drawn to fashion and the way clothes made people feel. As a sensitive kid who was taught that no emotions were too big to feel, Ulloa turned to writing as a way of expressing her feelings and ideas. When she learned in high school that this natural instinct could actually be a career, her two worlds collided and she set her sights on Condé Nast. While studying Political Science and Business at The George Washington University, she used her internships to gain practical experience in fashion and at magazines. After graduation, a role at Architectural Digest as the Assistant to the Editor-in-Chief opened up, and while design was an uncharted territory for her, Ulloa knew that the opportunity to work alongside Amy Astley was too good to pass up.
Today, twenty-four year old Gabriela Ulloa is much more than an Assistant. While working at Architectural Digest over the past two years, she’s had the opportunity to write for AD’s website, Clever, and most recently, the print magazine.
In March, when the pandemic uprooted Ulloa from her life in NYC, she moved back into her childhood bedroom in Miami. Always knowing in the back of her mind that she one day wanted to start her own thing, she had an ‘AHA’ moment in April after writing a piece on mental health and finally decided to listen to that voice in the back of her head. That’s when Ulloa’s IGTV series Should We Talk About It was born. Approaching her series as a peer who is eager to learn, Ulloa is committed to shifting the dialogue around mental health, making it less daunting and more inclusive.
Who were you at twenty?
At twenty, I was in my junior year of college at The George Washington University. I genuinely thought I knew what I was doing in every aspect of my life. I was living in a state of collective unconscious—the belief we hold based on what others think— which happens when we accept others’ portrayal of what our life is supposed to be. Minor detail... I was aware I was succumbing to this so I always had an internal conflict that oftentimes resulted in making myself feel like I was bad and wrong. This really increased my anxiety and led me to hold onto several toxic relationships. I was allowing others to dictate my narrative and my story. At twenty, this was really swallowing me whole, whether I fully acknowledged it or not.
In terms of my career, I was always extremely driven but definitely always in a rush. I was always looking ahead, maybe too ahead. I’d always work hard to get the internships that I believed would lead me to well… Condé Nast. So that worked. Work was always the goal, school was my stepping stone.
How have you evolved since?
I think the biggest change came when I chose to detach from external messages as much as possible and learned to hear my inner voice and live from pure consciousness. It’s one thing to have awareness but it’s another to be aware of your awareness and to notice the little voice in all of our heads. It was really really difficult for me to detach and figure out what was my real true voice and what was just all of the crap I had accepted as my reality pushed onto me by others.
The truth is, life and our mental health is such a journey with endless twists and turns. Nothing in life is linear and there’s no expiration date on growth. Things will continue to change around us and it's up to us to choose to evolve, grow and adapt. This was pivotal for me.
I’ve also learned the beauty of boundaries. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself, period. Even if it’s your mom or your partner, you’re allowed to take your space to fill yourself back up. Also, there are so many energy vampires out there and our time is precious, I learned to honor myself and my time and call toxic things and people for what they are, toxic.
If I had to tie this story up with a neat bow I’d say that honestly, I just learned to love myself. With that love came everything else, the boundaries, everything. But again, life loves a curveball and so do our hormones, so of course, not everyday is this perfectly magical day where I’m floating through my newfound enlightenment…
On landing a role at Architectural Digest and working with Amy Astley
When I was applying to jobs at Condé Nast, I was applying to all the fashion jobs and while I was doing those interviews, I got a call about interviewing to be Amy Astley’s Assistant and I just knew, ‘That’s what I have to do.’ Even though it was in design and not in fashion, it was working for this woman who not only has built an empire, like what she did at Teen Vogue is groundbreaking, but also she completely changed Architectural Digest. She can spot how the landscape is going to shift and is always pushing for positive change. And on top of that, Amy is a really kind person and incredible boss, so I’m very lucky to work for her.
On what being the Assistant to the Editor-in-Chief actually looks like
It’s a weird position to be in and I feel like unless you’re in the role, no one really gets it. But, it’s a lot of being on your toes and being able to adapt very quickly. You have to have common sense and be really resourceful. You’re essentially somebody’s body guard so what I’ve really taken away from it is being able to say no and standing my ground has proved super pivotal as well, which is a weird thing especially in the beginning. It was my first job out of college, I was 22, and saying no to someone 20 years older, it was weird. So I had to learn not only how to prioritize my time but also prioritize somebody else. You really do get so close with your boss because you have to be in their brain a little bit.
On being more than just an ‘Assistant’
The cool thing about working for Amy is she really wants her assistant to grow and help get you to wherever you want to be. I’ve gotten to do a lot more than just be the ‘assistant’. When she asked me very early on what my interests were and where I wanted to grow, I told her I love writing and so I started writing for the website and I’ve been writing for Clever ever since. Recently I started writing for the print magazine as well, and so these are incredible learning experiences. Plus, if you’re someone like me who really loves magazines, you’re able to see a total 360 view of everything and how that magazine is produced. And Amy really wants me to be included in conversations and have a voice, and she’ll actually listen to my opinion. It’s really rare in this industry, which sucks, but it really has taught me, honestly, how to become a good boss.
On giving up control and personal growth during the pandemic
I think this is the first time that I’ve really given up control, because I didn’t have a choice. I kind of just had to throw my hands in the air and say, ‘Ok, what will be will be’ and that just led to me being a lot gentler with myself. I think at the beginning of the pandemic there was this across the board idea that everyone had to be doing so much, like ‘Go learn 7 new skills’, ‘Become a master athlete’, ‘Heal all of your trauma’– it was just ridiculous, the expectations put on people, but at the end of the day, we’re never going to get this time back and our lives one day will shift again. I don’t like saying like, ‘Oh it’ll go back to normal’ because I think we have to change. Going back to what was is not the answer, so whatever comes next is going to be different and new again and we’ll have to adapt and change again, so I think just appreciating the time we have now and understanding that your social life will still be there. It really has made me realize A) who I value in my life and the types of qualities I value in people and B) recognizing that it’s okay to slow down and take a mental health day and just relax.
As a society, we glamourize burn-out and anxiety and it’s this weird thing that if you’re not continuously burnt out you’re not working hard enough. I think finally people are starting to talk about that, because it’s so f*cked up, especially for women.
On mental health and launching ‘Should We Talk About it’
I always knew I wanted to start my own thing at some point. My mom is an entrepreneur so I always had that instilled in me, but I never had that ‘AHA’ moment of this is what I’m meant to do. In the beginning of quarantine, I was asked to write a piece for the Madhappy blog, The Local Optimist, and I had always been comfortable talking about mental health personally, but this was the first time I spoke about it publicly. That was my ‘AHA’ moment, like letting it out and letting my thoughts into the universe. I was just like, ‘This is what I need to talk about’ and that’s where the idea for ‘Should We Talk About It’ was born.
I wanted to create a platform in an effort to hopefully make people feel less alone. There's such a heavy stigma associated with mental health and when I did hear the discussion around it, in my opinion, it was associated with people who had diagnosed conditions. As someone who lives in the middle, it felt exclusive. I didn't have a formal diagnosis, but I have experienced bouts of anxiety and depression. Mental health isn't linear and I think so many people think that unless you have a formal diagnosis, you don't need to understand coping skills and how to address challenges. We don't all have mental illnesses, but we all have mental health. Just like everything I do, once I kind of get an idea, I know myself and I procrastinate if I don’t just do it, so I just had to do it. I started it by having the conversations and sharing the videos on my personal instagram and then I was like, ‘This could really be a thing, I gotta put more love into this’ and that’s when I made it its own little platform.
What advice would you give yourself at twenty?
Breathe because it’s gonna work out, it won’t be what you’re expecting, but you’re gonna love it and you’re going to love you. And stop doing these weird diets, they’ve only been tested on men and post-menopausal women.
What are strategies young twenty-somethings can use to take control of their personal and professional lives?
Caveat– i’m 24.
I think in terms of a professional life, use your internships to figure out what you like and what you don’t like. I think knowing what you don’t like is equally as important as figuring out what you do like. And network. Do not be afraid to talk to people. Send the cold email. Worst case scenario, someone’s not going to respond, but that’s fine, onto the next one. And don’t be afraid to change and pivot. I know it’s scary, I’m in the middle of it now and I don’t know what my future is going to hold, but there’s such peace in doing what you love to do because then work no longer feels like work and I think that’s really special.
In terms of personal life, I think the biggest thing I’d say is, it’s not your job to change anyone and like by the way, it’s not gonna work. No one's gonna change if they don’t want to change and toxic people are toxic.
Also when you’re in your early twenties, you’re working really hard with school and your career and I really think loving yourself and taking care of yourself is not selfish.
On taking better care of our mental health
I’m not a professional, I’m a peer and trying to become a better advocate everyday, so I’ll just say that first. I think there’s this really big misconception that taking care of your mental health means going to therapy or taking medication and for some people that is taking care of their mental health, but it’s not one size fits all. Mental health really is individual and you can take small steps which are just as important. I really want to encourage people to start simple, get to know yourself, journal, meditate, say your daily affirmations. Just be kinder to yourself, notice how you talk to yourself because if you’re being mean to yourself or self-deprecating, you’re going to allow that behavior from other people without even realizing it. I think doing things that help you tap into your inner voice and actually hear it and listen to it, is so valuable.
Learn more about Gabriela Ulloa here & Should We Talk About It here